A presidential goat

The other day as I was wandering around the barn in the English countryside, I noticed one of the humans had left their iPad on top of our feed box.

While it could have been a ploy to stop the less obedient goats from sneaking extra food, I guessed it was left behind by mistake. So, I moved it for safekeeping because some of the goats around here will eat anything.

I then noticed, completely by accident, that there was no password and the iPad opened at the touch of a button. For research purposes only, I decided to sneak a look, and it opened to a page called ‘Twitter’.

Most of the posts on there were to do with something called the ‘US presidential race’. For one, I think it’s bizarre that whoever can run the fastest gets to run an entire country, but that’s humans for you.

I didn’t catch it all, because let’s face it, I’m a busy goat. But from the clips I saw, it was just two humans shouting at each other for an hour. Is that what politics is? From what I can see, the candidates put forward their ideas about important topics. What I found most concerning about the whole thing was there was absolutely no mention of goat welfare. I think the most important thing I’d need to know is, what are their goat-related policies?

Then I got to thinking, do humans vote for those in charge? For me, the CEO role at Dirty Old Goat came naturally. It was obvious that I would be the leader, as I stood out above all others as the authority figure of the group. I’m creative, bold, respected, and super cute - but most of all, humble. It simply had to be me.

D.O.G is doing well, thanks to the hard work of our amazing team. From the designers to the warehouse and packing goats, they’re a hard-working bunch. I’m proud to head such a team and lead them to mug industry domination.

However, as CEO it is me who has created this slick and productive workforce. I already provide them with excellent pay, furniture to jump on and all the hay they could want. What else has a goat got to do to get some praise around here?

To be honest, it was all a bit much. Quite overwhelming, in fact. I’m happy sticking to the status quo and keeping things just the way they are, why fix what isn’t broken?

So, to relax, I headed back to the barn to check out some of our upcoming mug designs. We really do have mugs for all occasions and shopping therapy is a great way to unwind. Waiting for that little box of mug goodness to arrive will help shift any unnecessary weight off your shoulders.

Then, I settled down with my favourite You Goat This mug and had a nice cup of tea and pondered some thoughts. If I were to be made President, I know I’d do a fine job. In fact, Presidential goat has a nice ring to it don’t you think?


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