How to talk Suffolk: A mugs’ guide

As I was spending time in the fields last weekend, I overheard the humans talking about something called ‘The Dig’. It’s a new film on Netflix that dramatises the historic Sutton Hoo Anglo Saxon treasure find in Suffolk. They were talking about it so much I just had to check it out for myself.

You may be thinking, ‘How is it possible that a goat can understand humans?’. Well if you think that human-to-goat understanding is far removed; you have clearly never been to Norfolk. If you’re familiar with my previous writing, you’ll know I’m no ordinary goat. I have many accolades under my belt, and getting my head around the human language is one of them. Things do get lost in translation when I hear folk from further afield, but I know when someone is Suffolk born and bred. I can spot a ‘furrener’ a mile off.

The Dig film stars someone called Ralph Fiennes who is somewhat of a big deal, so I’m told. He was taught by a Suffolk local to speak the lingo seamlessly. He sounds just like everyone around here and I could understand him perfectly. It was an absolute triumph! I was inspired by the authenticity of his performance so much that I decided to create the How to Talk Suffolk mug and get it into production straight away.

If you’re from these parts, this mug will be a hilarious reminder of the local language you know and love, and if not, it will educate you on how to ‘speak Suffolk’ fluently. So you too can speak like Basil Brown. It would make a great gift for a friend who grew up in Suffolk and has moved away, or for someone who will be visiting soon and needs a quick-fire lesson with their morning coffee.

The film seems to be causing a stir with the locals. They seem to be very excited about it. Someone even mentioned it going viral. I have no idea what that means, but I think I speak for every species when I say we’ve had enough of viruses for the time being. Even the BBC has commented on how ‘The Dig’ is set to bring in more tourists to our fair lands when Government guidelines allow. What are the rules if I were to, hypothetically, begin digging in my field and find buried treasure? Would finding it automatically mean I could keep it? I’m only asking as the fox across the way was snooping around after he overheard us discussing ‘The Dig’ in the barn. It’s true what they say; he’s sneaky.

The Dig has only recently been released, so if you have Netflix (or use someone else’s account as I do) I would recommend giving it a go. If you’re looking for something to watch during lockdown, watch this! It comes with the Dirty Old Goat seal of approval and may even stir up some feelings of nostalgia for those that remember it happening over 80 years’ ago.

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